Teaching Your Dog to Respect You

Meet Kathy Armstrong and Jake...

 

I often get phone calls from distressed owners who are having trouble with their dog. Let's listen in on a phone conversation between myself and a typical dog owner, Kathy Armstrong.

 

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Kathy: "Michele, my dog Jake is being difficult. I can't make him do anything. He only listens to me when he's in the mood."

Me: "I see. Would you say Jake is behaving rudely?"

Kathy (surprised): "What do you mean? How can a dog be rude?"

 

Ah, how indeed! Let us count the ways!

Talking back

Me: "Does he sometimes sass you back when you tell him to do something? Bark back at you?"

Kathy: "Well, if it's something he doesn't want to do..."

Keeping just out of reach

Me: "Does he sometimes dart just out of reach when you stretch your hand toward him?"

Kathy: "Well, sure, if he doesn't want to be caught."

Hanging onto objects

Me: "Does he ever brace his legs and refuse to let go when you try to take something away from him?"

Kathy: "Well, if it's something he wants to keep..."

Pestering you

Me: "Does he often nudge you for petting when you're trying to read the paper, or talk on the phone, or visit with guests?"

Kathy: "Yes, he does that when I'm not paying attention to him."

Stealing food

Me: "Does he steal food off your plate when you leave it on the coffee table? Does he get into the garbage?"

Kathy:: "Um..."

Grumbling when annoyed

Me: "Does he ever grumble at you when you wake him up? Or when you move him from his favorite chair? Or when you reach toward his food bowl while he’s eating? Or when you touch some "sensitive" part of his body, like his tail or foot or stomach?"

Kathy: "I thought he was just telling me not to bother him."

Struggling during grooming

Me: "Does he struggle or complain when you try to open his mouth to look at his teeth? How about cleaning his ears? Or clipping his toenails?"

Kathy: "True. He doesn’t like me to do that."

Running away from you

Me: "Does he run away from you when you catch him doing something wrong? Does he sometimes lead you on a merry chase around the house or yard?"

Kathy:: "Uh-huh. So I can't scold him."

Getting back at you

Me: "When he doesn't get his own way or when he's upset with you, does he ever destroy things or pee on your bed or belongings?"

Kathy: "Yes, he does sometimes "get back at me."

"Telling off" guests

Me: "Does Jake decide who's welcome in your home and who isn't? Does he continue to bark at visitors or grumble at visitors even after you've let them in?"

Kathy: "Well, if he's excited... or if he doesn't like them..."

Jumping on guests

Me: "Ah, and if he does like them, is he calm and polite? Or does he jump all over them?"

Silence. Then... "I'm beginning to see your point."

 

Me: "And you said he only obeys when he's "in the mood."

Kathy (sighing): "You're right, Michele. Jake does do quite a few of those things. Are they really that bad?"

Why rude behaviors are bad

Me: "I’m afraid so. All of these behaviors are rude and disrespectful. If a dog is allowed to do anything that's rude or disrespectful, he will believe that he is higher in the pack order than YOU are."

Kathy (puzzled): "And the pack order is...?"

Me: "The pack order is like a ladder. A ladder of hierarchy. Like wolves, dogs are sociable animals who like to live with other sociable animals in a group or pack.

The pack has a "pecking order." At the top is the most dominant animal, the Pack Leader. He (or she) establishes all the rules and makes all the decisions.

Next in line is the Number Two animal, who can tell everyone else what to do -- except for the pack leader. Then the Number Three animal, who can tell everyone else what to do -- except for the pack leader and Number Two. And so on, right down to the most submissive one of all, who can't tell anybody else what to do.

 

Now YOU might think this kind of structure sounds harsh, but pack animals love it! They all know exactly where they stand with each other. This makes them feel secure, because they know instinctively that the well-being of any group depends upon each member being able to handle his or her respective position.

The pack instinct separates dogs from cats. The pack instinct is why dogs wedge themselves into our families, rather than prowling along the fringes, like most cats. Cats are solitary animals who like to do their own thing. Dogs are pack animals who like to belong. That one instinct makes a tremendous difference in the way each pet should be raised.

 

When a dog joins your family, even if your family is only yourself, a pack is formed.

Oh, yes, in his mind it certainly is, and his instincts compel him to seek out its structure. Who is the leader? Who is the follower?

 

Whoever is allowed to set the rules and make the decisions is the leader.

Now you understand now why dogs need the security of knowing who is in charge. And also why, if you don't establish YOURSELF as the leader, your dog will feel compelled to assume the role himself. This is when you will start seeing all those rude and disrespectful behaviors. Your dog, of course, isn't actually being rude or disrespectful. He is simply carrying out his role as pack leader. He figures that since YOU haven't assumed the role, HE has to do it."

 

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Kathy (anxiously): "But I don't want to control my dog. I just want him to be my friend."

 

We'd all like to think of our dog as the perfect friend. But friends are EQUALS. A healthy relationship with your dog has to be very different.

Me: "Kathy, when you think about it, Jake can never be just your friend. He's your dependent.

Think about it. Jake depends on you for his food, his health, his safety, his very life. There are times when you have to do things with Jake that he doesn't understand and doesn't like:

 

• give medicine that tastes awful
• pull a sharp stick out of his teeth
• roll him onto his back to remove a tick from his belly

Jake doesn't understand that medicines will help him, that sticks can puncture his throat, that ticks carry disease. Without this knowledge, Jake doesn’t know what's best for him. For his own safety, he must always accept your greater human knowledge and judgment.

 

For your own peace of mind as your dog’s guardian and caregiver, you have to know that you can restrain and handle him in any way you see fit, at any time you see fit.

If your dog won't accept little things, such as clipping his toenails or cleaning his teeth or giving up a toy or sitting quietly while you attach his leash, then he won’t suddenly accept something major that you have to do with him. You have to start with little things."

Kathy: "But I’m worried that if I take charge all the time, he’ll resent me."

Me:: "Oh, no, Kathy, Jake won't resent you -- he'll respect you! You’ll not only be making him the most well-behaved dog you've ever had, but also the happiest and the smartest!"

Kathy (startled): "Come again?"

Why "follower dogs" are happier and smarter

 

Follower dogs are happy because they're secure.

 

They know that you, their trusted leader, have everything under control. They don't have to worry about trying to figure out our complicated human world. They can relax and enjoy life while YOU handle all the decisions.

 

Follower dogs are happy because they're appreciated and complimented by everyone who meets them.

 

Since they're ready and willing to listen and learn, it is easy to teach them the positive behavior skills that make them wonderful companions. And because they are well-behaved, they can do more things and go more places with you.

 

Follower dogs are happy because they know the consequences of every behavior.

 

They know which behaviors they should do to get praise, petting, and rewards. And they know which behaviors they SHOULDN'T do, so they can easily avoid being scolded.

 

Follower dogs are happy because they learn what your human sounds mean.

 

Like anyone who learns a foreign language, they feel empowered and able to participate in your life because they can understand what you're saying.

 

Follower dogs are smarter because their brain has been developed.

 

The simple act of teaching your dog anything makes his brain stronger and faster, which in turn makes him more successful learning OTHER things. In other words, his intelligence and learning skills start to "snowball" with the very first thing you teach -- and keep right on snowballing with every new word.

 

Now... what dog wouldn't love all that?

Kathy: "I didn't know all that! I thought dogs just automatically wanted to please the people they love!"

Me (smiling): "Dogs want to please the people they respect. They want to please leaders. Dogs will simply co-exist with non-leaders. Or they will ignore non-leaders. Or they will challenge non-leaders.

They will love you either way, for dogs do not equate love with respect. They love blindly; they respect only those who have earned it.

 

So teaching them to respect you will in no way diminish their love for you. And teaching them to respect you is mandatory if you are to take proper care of them.

So if you already have your dog's respect...

 

You need to know what to do to keep it.

And if you've lost his respect...

 

You need to know what to do to get it back."

Kathy (resolutely): "I think I understand. Tell me what to do!"

Educate your dog!

Teaching your dog to respect you means educating him.

Educating him means teaching him lots and lots of words and their meanings. As you're teaching him, he will come to respect you as a fair and capable leader. Because of that respect, he will change his daily behaviors to much better ones.

 

Education = Respect = Better Behavior

 

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Educated dogs are the happiest, smartest, most confident dogs in the world. They have learned so many words and good behaviors that they fully understand what is expected of them.

 

• They know what to do.
  
• They know what NOT to do.

 

Dogs love the security of knowing what to do, and what not to do.

And since YOU'RE the one who taught them these things, they have come to view YOU as their trusted partner and leader. They look up to you. They believe in you. They will do anything for you. They trust you to do anything with them.

 

An educated dog is a true companion, while an uneducated dog is just a casual pet.

If you don't educate your dog...   he will never be the dog he could have been. He will always be less intelligent. Less exceptional. Less "aware" of his own worth and abilities.

 

You know the old saying...a mind is a terrible thing to waste.

A dog who is properly educated is a "thinking" dog. He is not a robot who does things mechanically. A "thinking" dog listens carefully. He looks at your face, "reads" your expressions and body language, and tries to put individual words together into complex actions.

 

"Where's your rope toy? Where is it?

Go find it!

Oops, that's your hedgehog toy! Drop it.

Find your rope toy!

Is it upstairs? Go upstairs! Get your rope toy!

Good girl, you got it! Now bring it here.

Come! Good girl!

Give it to me! Thank you!"